Letting Other People Be Wrong About You

It is more important to us, from our codependent, perfectionist and people pleasing mindframe to be right, to get that dopamine rush of Righteousness, than to be happy.

So what we try to do from our insecurity is to convince people that we’re right, and they’re wrong.

But here’s the thing: logic rarely changes people’s minds.

Trying to convince someone that they are wrong about science, about a political stance, or about you is like screaming at the ocean to stop making waves.

Trying to convince someone using logic to have different feelings is just, well, illogical!

Caring about what other people think about you is living in judgement, not acceptance.

Not letting others simply be wrong about you keeps your focus on them, which is the cornerstone of codependent thinking.

  • Defer our dreams because someone else might not approve of them.
  • We defend who we think we are because our belief in ourselves feels so shaky.
  • We stay in jobs we don’t like because we feel validated or worthy because of our title.
  • We live in the past — worrying about what your ex-friend or ex-partner thinks or might think about you.
  • We don’t speak up about social justice issues to not rock the boat.
  • We fight to be heard instead of hearing ourselves.
  • We don’t start the business we want to because it might fail.
  • We don’t make strides to reclaim our lives from all the thoughts we’ve been conditioned, socialized and told about what’s possible for us.
  • We push to be seen the way we want to be seen by people who have no interest in truly seeing us, and so we lose sight of ourselves more and more.
  • We stay small and fight for others to understand us, to make them wrong so we can feel right because we don’t know yet how to just decide to feel right within ourselves and to have that be enough.

What it comes down to is that it’s all about false control and the false comfort of false control.

She has her opinion, and you have yours, and that truly can be okay.

Sometimes the other person is wrong and in those moments there is so much power in pausing and connecting with our breath, grounding ourselves in ourselves.

You always have the option to try to make them wrong and you right — to whip out your phone and show them the texts, show them that you wrote it on the calendar on the fridge.

You can fight to be right or you can choose your own happiness: “okay, well here we are. It’s quarter of, and I’m leaving in five minutes, you can join me or not, and I’d love it if you did, but I’m rolling out in five.”

You get to start at home by focusing on believing in you and your worth, not by fighting to get someone else to see it.

We love to obsess about what other people think about us.

In my own life, the less I fight to be understood and the more I accept that some people just don’t or can’t see me in the realness of me, the less I fight to keep those people in my life.

When you are deeply anchored in your passion, your excitement, your worthiness, your knowing, you can focus on what you think for and about you.

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Victoria Albina, NP, MPH

Victoria Albina, NP, MPH

Victoria Albina, NP, MPH is a certified life coach, breathwork facilitator, holistic Nurse Practitioner and host of the podcast Feminist Wellness.