What Is A Relationship Green Flag?

Mutually beneficial relationships built on respect and kindness above all.

As you read about these green flags, I want to invite you to see what resonates for you, mind, body, and spirit, and to not just ask yourself if your dates or your friends are bringing these energies to your connection, I’ll invite you to see if you are showing up with the energies you want from others in a relationship. And to ask yourself why or why not.

This is a great opportunity for you to get real about your romantic, friend, and other relationships and to ask if you’re getting and giving what you want and need, and if you’re being your own best friend in your life and in all of your relationships.

Not just sexual chemistry here because remember, we can apply these green flags to our friendships, our work partnerships that we get to choose, et cetera, et cetera.

Likewise, it’s a green flag when a date or a new friend can show me their real, authentic, weird self, can share about their past, their present, and their hopes for the future without dumping or oversharing, which is a really common stand-in for true intimacy.

When someone is ready, willing, and able to show up with and from their full open heart, with empathy and open, direct communication, that is a vital green flag for me.

Next is when you want the same thing from a relationship.

Green flag is when they clearly state what they want and act in a way that supports that statement and you do the same.

Next is that you have some overlap in your interests and are aligned in your values.

Likewise, I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who wants to change their core interests or values so I will be into a false version of them. Not interested.

A green flag for me is not just being in the teacher or the learner role in a relationship all the time but having a healthy give and take that supports mutual growth.

I think it’s particularly lovely and for sure a green flag when a date or a new friend cares about what you care about because it’s what you care about.

A life with someone is made up not of the shiny bright things alone but of the quotidian bullshit that makes up a life together. Those daily things that really are our worlds.

That brings me to the adjacent green flag of willingness to do emotional labor.

When someone is doing their emotional work, is filling their own cup, and is here for doing their share of the emotional labor, that is just so damn sexy to me. And this ties back to values.

It’s also a green flag when their opinion matters to you, but not more than your own does.

It is super hot to me when a date takes care of themselves.

Another green flag is respecting and honoring your boundaries and their own.

When we are grounded, we don’t write lousy behavior off, we don’t dream of changing the person, of fixing them.

And that brings me to self-responsibility and the capacity to name and own their mess ups, to properly apologize versus doing one of those I’m sorry you felt that way halfway apologies.

So a green flag for me now is that my most beloved and trusted confidants get a good gut feeling about someone I’m dating.

Finally, I want to invite you to allow your own intuition to be the biggest green or red flag ever.

Make a list of the things you see as green flags. See if they are present in your relationships. Why or why not? Does that work for you or not?

If you want this for you, I want to remind you that it all starts from within.

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Victoria Albina, NP, MPH

Victoria Albina, NP, MPH

Victoria Albina, NP, MPH is a certified life coach, breathwork facilitator, holistic Nurse Practitioner and host of the podcast Feminist Wellness.